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Rant via email,
I want to scream from the rooftop of my new condo deck, "Hey moms I don't want to hang out with your nanny!"
I'm not being mean it's just #1 I want to spend my kids downtime talking to other harried, intelligent women from my socioeconomic group (affluent), and #2 your sitters arrive at my apartment looking glum or resentful and acting bored because they want to hang out with other nannies who get their lives. When your nanny comes to my home at your request she knows she's not there for social reasons BECAUSE I didn't invite her. I also hate the way my wealth affects some nannies especially immigrants. It's like I'm shoving it in their face because they don't stop rolling their eyes.
My other pet peeve ... don't sign your kids up for 'toddler and me' classes, per my suggestion, then send your nannies. Hello! It's a bonding class for parents and their kids. I'm talking to a SAHM here. If you employ a nanny, a cleaner, a dog-walker, you live in my neighborhood, your kid is in my kid's class, and you don't work, and 'we' arranged the playdate by email, please don't send your nanny to my apartment.
Anon Mom didn't exactly solicit advice but I think her complaints warranted comment.
Before nannies en masse roll up their sleeves at Anon Mom's negative insinuations about class and race, it's important to recognize that this is an argument between moms.
I'm sure the nannies who show up to this lady's apartment encounter a frosty reception (of disappointment). They probably then have to endure time spent with a host who either ignores them because she doesn't want to bother making conversation or a person who bombards them with endless tales about her kids.
Here's the deal. I agree, it's not okay with having a playdate set up under false pretenses but that's not the nanny's problem. You Anon Mom need to be clear about what you desire from a playdate: social time for you and the kids. You need to take your grievance to the party concerned like a grown-up. I know your offending party reads this blog because that's why you posted here.
In the meantime, next time a nanny shows up at your luxury apartment, don't assume her resentment towards you has anything to do with your privilege. It most likely has everything to do with your attitude.
Here's an idea: why not use the time on a playdate with a nanny to make a civil conversation? You'll be surprised at how rich other people's lives are and what their journey to America has gifted them.